It’s been a while, my darkworking droogs. Don’t think ol’ Cado’s forgotten about you-quite the contrary, I’ve taken my time to ensure the content I deliver is of the highest value.
Also sex. There’s been a lot of that. So, so much. Truth be told, that had more to do with the gap in posting than anything else. That’s why it’s even more important that I talk about this. It’s the community service project I assigned myself.
To preface this-while I’m drawing from experience, I do not know as much as the big boss. That’s why he’s Asmoday, and I’m certain he can go far beyond what I write here. The reason I’m doing this is because, as an Apprentice, it’s important to see the perspective of those far more advanced than you as well as people who are mere inches beyond you, or even the ones standing to your side.
It’s also what I’m in the process of learning. In Path of the Darkworker, he says restraining excess is key to advancement from the first stage. I don’t think he’s ever explained that but it’s not hard to piece it together. Darkworking is the path of indulgence but go too far and it’s self-destructive.
But where, exactly, is too far? How can you tell what’s motivating your actions? How do you keep yourself on track?
Grab a cup of tea, sit down (but not in that chair-oh god, the things we did to it) and scroll your eyeballs down the page. I am about to enlighten you.
Indulgence, Not Self-Destruction
Contrary to popular misconceptions, the left-hand path it’s not about hedonism. By all means, if you want a thousand STDs, a fissure beneath every footstep, and a mind that’s too intoxicated to think thoughts, knock yourself out. There are plenty of failed Satanists that would be glad to join you.
If you live to achieve, that won’t do-and that’s what drives you if you’re serious. You can’t be a 30-day darkworker, or take to the label just because it’s counter-cultural. This is a lifetime pursuit. You’ll have a testing period but after that you make a decision or you become a sleeper with a superiority complex. There’s no room for that in the big leagues.
That requires me to pose and explore another question: what is the point of indulgence? If it’s not what we live for, why do we do it?
It’s about liberation first and foremost, the breaking of social programming and external morality structures that were forced into our psyche without our consent. Why is it “bad” to have a lot of sexual partners, or for women to dress provocatively? Continuing on that, why are they labeled sluts for the same thing guys are praised for? Why are they blamed when someone rapes them, and why should they live according to the insane standards of a society that’s uncomfortable with the human body?
To answer to those questions, they burn through suppressed desire and search themselves for their own standard. It provides the basis for their individuation and, eventually, the strength that makes the world conform to them instead of the other way around. That’s what power is, after all-the ability to hold your ground and impress your will upon yourself and your surroundings. We’re capable of doing that with varying levels of influence depending on where we are but the ability to do it consciously on a personal level is where our polarization begins.
The second reason is altered consciousness. It’s easier to access some internal resources while intoxicated than it is through focus, meditation, or action. It doesn’t have to be achieved that way, either. You can create this effect by staying awake until adrenaline is the only thing keeping you going, or by blaring music so loud you can feel the vibrations in your body. This can temporarily disable internal blocks that would get in the way of a ritual, or mundane tasks that have held you back for a while.
In other words we use that stuff the same way sleepers do but we minimize the damage by doing it once in a while, adopting supplement and diet regimens to offset or eliminate the negative effects, and we only do it with a specific purpose in mind. I’ll delve more into this further down but if this reasoning becomes a crutch then you have failed and you need to detox and adopt a different behavioral pattern until you have more self-control.
The third reason is… Just because. When you’re strict with yourself it does a lot of good to let your hair down and go nuts. It’s actually part of how we maintain control over ourselves. This article on Tim Ferriss’ blog explains that self-control is a finite resource, and to make the most of what we have through a conscious practice of denial and release is essential to maintaining long-term discipline. Remember that as a darkworker you’re not trying to consciously control everything, you’re restructuring your mind and habits so they always serve you. Obsessing over minutiae is a great way to get yourself stuck; eventually you’ll take on more than you can handle and you’ll stop dead until you deal with it intelligently.
The Danger of Giving In
You won’t face anything in life that you don’t have the internal resources to deal with. You may not know how to access them or use them but they’re there and you’ll improve with practice. If your vices become a crutch, you’re telling the world, “I’m not good enough.” Your problems and the obstacles they present are bigger than you are and you’re okay with staying small as long as you can barrel blindly through them when you let something else take the reins of your consciousness.
That’s what sleepers do. If you’ve gone deep enough you’ll never settle for that and keeping yourself in that loop will ensure your destruction.
As an Apprentice I think the worst thing I have ever told myself is, “I need that.” My vice is sugar, and on the other end of that is extreme discipline. Neither of them are beneficial when they’re distractions from something I don’t want to face, and that’s the key. That’s why you plan indulgence or, at the very least, make sure there’s a bit of time between each instance, because if you’re craving it outside of that context you’re trying to hold yourself back. There’s something deep within your mind that you don’t want to release because it’s as precious to you as your own identity and no matter how much it hurts you don’t want to let go.
That’s the trial of the Apprentice, and I’d say confidently from where I’m standing that there’s no way you can proceed without learning this lesson and not fuck yourself over down the road. Use your desires and your vices, don’t let them drive you. Achieve because it’s what your heart is yearning for, not because of unrelated hungers that are trying to dampen the voice of your core self.
To be a darkworker is to strive for excellence. Excellence is crafting your best self as defined by the love and power within you. Everything that gets in the way is to be cut down with extreme prejudice and that is the meaning and method of restraint.