Life, the Universe, and Everything: God is Dead.

J.C. LaCroix Uncategorized

I have heard you. I know your pain, because it was mine. You want to know why life isn’t working, why it seems so hard. You feel there must be a reason you are here, a reason for all this suffering that you see in yourself and others. I can tell you, but the answers will not be easy to hear, much less easy to understand. They may bring you joy, but they could also make you afraid, or cause you more pain. One thing is for sure, after hearing, you will not be the same. Embrace the Truth, and it will make you more powerful than you could possibly imagine. Shun it, and your suffering will only multiply until you die. I warn you, this post is long, and still incomplete by my standards, and it is meant to be read in more than one sitting.

So, I ask you, are you strong enough? Are you patient enough to read and re-read until you are ready to allow the Truth to unfold? Do you have eyes to see, ears to hear? If so: Good, come claim your birthright.

To Honor my Creator, for some reason I’m in a biblical mood, I will begin thusly:

“In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth.
And the Earth was without form, and Void, and Darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
And God said, Let there be Light: and there was Light.
And God saw the Light, that it was Good: and God divided the Light from the Darkness.”

— Genesis, Chapter 1, Verse 1-4.

Are you surprised that I would Honor my Creator? Why?

I am merely Honoring myself.

Follow me…

  • Duality:

If you dig down and start researching creation-stories (“myths”), you will find a strong theme, but it is subtle, so subtle, that it is often missed. In the beginning, something is always created, of course, the point of the story is to explain how everything got here. What is hiding, though, is that the initial creation is always a pair — something, and its opposite. One of the most eloquent creation-stories is that found in the Book of Genesis, and this theme is strong here, we have Heaven and Earth, and we also have Light and Darkness, just for starters. It goes on like this, in opposite, divisor-pairs. What your ancestors are trying to tell you, through the halls of time, is that the First Cause, the thing that created all this, that is still playing itself out, is Duality.

For those who don’t know, Duality is simply a division, a labeling of a thing and that which it is not, usually its opposite. Some Dualities are arbitrary, like hot-cold — really temperature is a spectrum, from what we call absolute zero to infinity, who is to say what is hot or cold? We do. Where? Arbitrarily, wherever we choose to, based on data from our senses, that we have given labels. North-South are also an arbitrary Duality, we just happened to split the planet in half and pick the equator as the dividing line.

However, some are not arbitrary, and these are usually based on something versus the absence of that something. Darkness, for example, is clearly the opposite of Light, and we can measure the presence or absence of Light “particles”. We could just as easily refer to Darkness as “No-Light”, which some languages do. And, we know this is a true duality because absence of Light creates Darkness, and Creation of Light causes Absence of Darkness (or from whichever side of the coin you want to look at it from). But, Duality, if you consider and observe, runs deep into the very fabric of our universe. At the atomic level, we find particles with Positive and Negative Charges. Likewise, going further, we find Matter and Anti-Matter. Until we hit Energy, at which point we find Energy and No-Energy.

To focus on the pairs that are put together, or the order in which they arise, or any other surface point of creation myths is to loose sight of the deeper truth they are trying to communicate, which is that Duality itself is the First Cause of creation — it’s the reason you, me, the rocks, birds, trees, universe is here at all.

Yet, if what the ancients are telling us is true, if this world is itself Duality, that would mean the beginning was no-duality, right? Yes. Before anything existed, even before time or space or matter or energy, there was simply no-thing. Void. But, another way to see it is that there was All-Thing, or to conceptualize it better, everything was unified, just one, and only one, thing. Try it as an exercise in your mind, imagine the world as you know it, and start picking dualities and merging them together. Blend heat and cold into one, light and dark, up and down, all of it, just fold all opposites into each other. This itself will be difficult to do, but if you can manage that, you will eventually hit a point of Nothing and Something, and blending this together into one is an impossible task for a mind based on Duality itself.

But, not for a Soul. Keep walking with me…

This primordial All-Thing, which existed before things or existence, before any and all things the mind can even conceptualize, we (sometimes) call God. This is hard to picture or grasp with the mind because the mind is designed for duality — all things are known and constructed in our perception by a series of labels, and these labels are characteristics, and all characteristics are dualistically defined (I only know hard because I know soft, I know wet because I know dry, etc). In any case, God was/is/will-be, Not-Duality, or Pre-Duality.

We know this “moment” existed because of inferrence. We see a world with stuff in it, and all the stuff seems to be dualistically arranged. With our uncannily adaptable, indulgent, ape-brains, we create science and proceed to deconstruct the stuff. Behind stuff, we find atoms, and in those atoms, we find duality. Then we find energy, and non-energy, behind all the stuff. So, for there to have been a world, in all its awe, like a clockwork machine of infinity glory, all driven by the fuel of Duality, there must have been Non-Duality, at one time. Just like there must first be Darkness for Light to arise.

I do not know what this “existence” must have been like, for all I know it just sat there humming, basking in the glow of its own Awesomeness. At least, that’s what I picture, a blob of goo vibrating in sublime unity (even though, again, the mind falls short because not even vibration existed). Honestly, this is where the brain just breaks down and can’t handle itself.

But then, at some point, the most miraculous thing happened.

  • The Happy Accident:

The All-Thing is sitting there, humming, being and not being at the same time. God. Unity might be a better word, because this isn‘t a “being“ so much as a “state“. Suddenly, it senses and becomes aware of itself. When “All-Things” becomes aware of itself, it has created the first dividing line, “me” and “no me”, or “God” and “No God”. There has to be a not-something, to percieve a something. This is the First Duality, and simultaneously, the First Cause. This is what, in a sort of chain-reaction (we will cover this later, in a section on “Time“), spawns the entire Universe as we know it.

To understand why, pretend for a second that you existed, but you had no sense of yourself. Hypothetically, you “walked” around in darkness your whole life, along, just, I dunno, hanging out. Suddenly, a mirror appears and you’re looking at your own reflection. Now, you have walked around in nothing but darkness, so you wouldn’t have a fear response — I mean, you haven’t had any “bad” experiences, so there is no reference there. Lets also say that, since you’re “God” you have perfect knowledge, you know this is a mirror, and you know you are looking at yourself (you have become self-aware). What would you do?

I’d bet you’d first have an emotional reaction (curiosity, gratitude, excitement, surprise), which, taken collectively, would be a desire to understand.

Second, in your mind, you’d ask a series of questions:

What just happened?
What is that?
Why is it here?

Finally, you’d probably reach out and touch the mirror, and start investigating to the fullest of your ability.

I think we can all agree on that.

Ironically, observe the top three human questions, look at how we want what God wants:

What does life mean?
Who am I?
Why am I here?

More importantly, lets deconstruct the Reaction of God, to itself.

It begins with an emotion? Why? Emotions in all their forms are just echoes of a desire, and in God’s case, it saw itself and wanted to Understand. Identity is the First Cause of Desire. Have I lost you? Let me try it this way.

Again, let’s say you percieve yourself, all of the sudden. The first thing you do is the noticing, “I am that I am”, is the famous line that got Jesus killed, for obvious reasons. But noticing THAT you exist, in and of itself, is a Desire to Understand yourself. We are our Desires. That’s what conscious life is, a Desire. Its will itself. Will cannot exist without a central division of “me” and “outside of me”, and in noticing me, the first thing is desire, because there is that which is not you, and that which is you — and you seek to know what you have just done in creating that division. Before, everything was you, there could be no desire, because all things were contained within you. Desire is movement of consciousness, but if you are All, you have “nowhere” to move to. When God first split between “me” and “no me”, the first place it could move to, with now a thing in the universe (but since it was the only thing) was towards itself. Thus, to be is to desire, one gives rise to the other, co-dependently.

Then, you move into thought. All emotions are echoes of desire, all thoughts are ripple-effects of emotion, as I said. Now though, once you seek to know (to be aware) of what you have just done, you seek to understand it, hence, questions. What I want to point out, though, is I am talking about thought at a much deeper level than where the word is traditionally used. I’m not talking about the thoughts in their most sluggish, crystallized form — the little voice you hear in your head. These are actually the surface-most level of your thoughts, and they are rippled up to you, usually from your subconscious. True thought takes place at a much deeper level, and you can get a window into the process through an established meditation practice. The deeper levels are the placement of labels, a sorting process. In other words, God noticed itself, this gave rise to a desire for understanding (a goal, so to speak), but this goal had to be given context, and the questions were the context for that understanding.

To understand this, imagine talking to a computer, that is like God’s mind, that knows words but doesn’t understand commands, because there is no frame of reference, when this whole thing happened:

Computer says: “Perception received, God exists”
You say: “Define God Exists?”
Computer says: “Error, no reference for definition”
You say: “Ah. Computer, to define is to make a descriptive statement of something.”
Computer says, “Affirmative, “Define” is now defined”.
You say, “Define God Exists”
Computer says, “Error, no reference for Exists. Assign parameters by which you will know existence.”
You say, “If not God is true, then God exists”
Computer says, “Parameters assigned”.
You say, “Define God Exists?”.
Computer says, “Error, Not-God undefined”.
You say, “If God is false, Not-God is True. If God is True, Not-God is false”
Computer says, “Parameters assigned.”
You say, “Define God Exists?”
Computer says, “Critical Error. If God is true, Not-God is false, but if Not-God is false, then God does not exist”.
You say, “Ah. A loop. Assign — If Not-Not-God is true, God is true. ”
Computer says, “Parameters assigned”
You say, “Define God”
Computer says, “God is that which is not-not-God”
You say, “Define not-not-God?”
Computer says, “Error, insufficient data”.
You say, “Data incoming, prepare to receive…”

So what you can see here is that God is stuck in a loop. To know itself, it must understand all three labels God, not-God, and not-not-God. But, not-not-God can only be understood when the complete fullness of God and Not-God, are understood. The three thoughts are the labels, or to put it another way, the “criteria” by which God can investigate itself to understand itself. To fully know its own identity, it must establish:

  • What am I (Who am I), or “Define God”
  • Why am I here (as opposed to not being here, or the human question, Why am I here?), or “Define not-God”
  • What just happened (what does life mean?), or not-not-God, which is taking the two together in relation to the other, God and Not God, similar to understanding the interactions between protons, neutrons, and electrons in order to understand the over-arching atom that contains them. In other words, you have to understand everything that is God, everything that is not God, and HOW you made that distinction in the first place, to understand the Identity of God. Not doing this is like trying to follow a football game when you can see team A, opposing team B, but have no reference to the football field.

Your deep thoughts are the same way, its just that your labels and criteria that construct around your reactions to your perceptions (your desires), are so deeply ingrained that you don’t even notice the process anymore. Don’t feel bad, I don’t either unless I whip up some serious pay-attention juice during long sessions of deep breathing. To see how this works, lets say you were walking around barefoot, talking to someone, and accidentally step onto hot coals. If we were to slow down what happens really slow, like what the Assassins can do in the movie “Wanted”, we would see this unfold. First, you would receive the data (as God realized it exists). This data would create a desire. In this case, it would be to avoid this experience, or the coals, what Robert Pirsig calls a “Low Quality Event“. This desire would ramp-up and gather energy. First, it would build into an emotion, a negative sort of surprise or shock. This emotion echoes to thought, gathering more energy, as the thoughts label the data, first identifying hot, then pain. More energy comes in, now the emotion builds to fear, or anger. Thoughts now begin to be conscious, and you hear a voice saying “Fuck, ow, get off those” (God asked itself questions).

Finally, the energy reaches its apex, and you take an action. You jump off the coals.

Its important to note that desire leads to a building of energy. And that this energy follows the build up by a process of emotion-thought-action. The separation we give energy in these three forms is arbitrary, and of our own convention because of the way we experience them — in reality, there is no separation here, just a movement of energy which culminates in creation. Now, we know energy is eternal and it must always be moving, hence the whole process we see between destruction leading to creation, or creation leading to destruction, but more on this at another time.

This link post-desire, between emotion, thought, and action, or more deeply, between God, Not-God, and Not-Not-God, is what I call the Triune. Christians call it the Trinity, but you find some reference to it all over the place. It rises from duality itself. Desire must follow a three-fold pattern to expression because duality is made of always three components — the thing, the not thing, and the overall spectrum (or the not-not-thing). We find this all over our reality, male-female-human, hot-cold-temperature, protons-electrons-neutrons as the atom.

So, to recap, Unity sat as No-Thing, or All-One-Thing, or God. Unity noticed itself, and created Duality. Duality simultaneously created Desire, in this case, the desire to Understand Itself. That Desire was first the reaction of curiosity/surprise/excitement/gratitude, which built into the three major questions, which lead to an action. In my computer metaphor, you can see that the action was to gather data to answer the question.

  • The Experiment:

So God seeks to know itself, it must now run an experiment of self-definition. And, God’s no slacker. Lets say I went off and ran an experiment, and I came back and told you that 50% of the time, something would happen. This statement, on my part, is only as valid as the number of independent participants and successive times I ran the experiment, the more the better. For example, if I went out and surveyed 10 people about their soap buying, and they’re all old women, would you trust my results if I told you 30% of people buy soap once per month? I hope not. But, what if I did the same thing with billions of people, from different races, genders, locations, and backgrounds? Then you can prolly set your cock up as a kickstand and lean on that information, for sure. Right?

God, being perfect, takes this to an extreme.

Stop for a second and take a look around you.

Everything you see is a manifestation of God consciousness.

The big-bang, and everything that followed was so fragile, it was softer than a whisper, and any little condition changing would have snuffed it all out. This is not accidental. All phenomena around you, every condition, thing, aspect, energy, atom — it is all the acting out of God’s surprise, delight, and desire for self-knowledge, the First Cause, the First Desire. God split itself into each and every fascet of itself, every characteristic, every quality, like light through a prism of self-realisation, to manifest the Universe as we know it. It could be no other way, for this is the ultimate experiment of all time, and thus the “laboratory” must take into account and be able to support any and all conditions imaginable. Is this not what we see when we look out into just the small part of the universe that we have come to understand, a place of infinite possibility, an experimentation “workshop”, with all possible tools available?

Now, with all the variables set up, any good experiment needs, what? Experimentees, test-subjects to generate data. This is where life comes in. Not just you and me, but all life as we know it. God creates a spectrum of possibilities for life, along a line of self-awareness. This is really the only way to categorize life that makes inner-sense, varying levels of ability to be self-aware. It why, for example, we feel more camaraderie with our pets than a frog, or more similarity with a frog than an amoeba. They’re closer to us on the scale. We, however, as what we call “humans” have the unique ability to turn our consciousness inwards on itself, to be self-aware to such a degree that we can perceive ourselves and contain ourselves within out own awareness. I have no doubt there is sentient life in other parts of the universe, and I believe this is how we will sense it when we find it, we will share this quality. And, what this quality boils down to is this:

We have the ability to run the experiment. We are still in the experiment, of course, but its like we’re technicians with lab-coats, and if we wake up, we can see it for what it is. This is what makes us human, our creative power. It is our birthright, but also our birthright that we loose it and gain it again.

The purpose of all this life we see around us is to collect data, in the form of experiences.This is why we feel when a thing is born, it is a tragedy to see it die, because it was generating useful data. It too was God coming to know itself.

The purpose of these experiences is to lead to a growing database of definitions for the parameters of God, Not God, and Not-Not-God. This is why there is no sin. To know itself, God must experience itself both as murderer and victim, peasant and noble, villain and hero, love and hate. It is why Darkworking places no limits on the individual, for this is not truth. You have no limits. Any bounds imposed on your choices are either self-imposed, or ultimately arbitrary. It terms of the purpose of existence, it just doesn’t matter. There is karma, which is simply cause and effect. Acting in certain ways produces certain mindsets, which have advantages and consequences. Kill enough people, and you’ll end up in prison, or even if there were no jails, you would be shunned and never truly connecting with people. Even if no one knew you had ever taken a life, you would slowly become more and more distant in every way. Am I saying don’t kill? Nope, I’m a Darkworker, I Accept Truth, I’m saying, in this case, is it worth it to you? If so, go right on ahead. There is no punishment from God, no consequence mandated. And, in the end, you’re just adding to the databank — as a sinner, or a saint. How could one exist without the other? If they had no value, why would bad actions exist?

This is the answer to all your questions to God — what do you want, we say to it. It wants what we want.

Whatever we want serves it. It merely wants additionally that we should have it.

For the purposes of the experiment, all experiences, of all conditions and quality, are generating useful input.

The thing that makes humans special, though, simply put, is that we can contribute to the database of Not-Not-God. You may be hazy on what this category is, and I’ll try to explain it as best I can. Think of it this way, it is that which is Not-God, realizing by its nature as Not-God, that it is God, because God is All. In other words, it is those experiences that belong to pieces of God consciousness that forget their divinity and then re-realise it, bringing the most complete definite answer to God’s question of “Who is that?”, during the First Cause of its self-realisation. This is why you are born with your power, forget, and then if you choose, come to remember. When you first awaken to this, we say you are Polarized. As you deepen, you go one of two routes, then you hit the points where the paths (Lightworking and Darkworking) merge, in Sage-hood, and finally, you Awaken fully.

What do you awaken to? Simple. You are God.

I’m not talking figuratively here, I mean this quite literally, you ARE God, in all its completeness. You’re just remembering it in little steps, across lifetimes (although this isn’t highly accurate).

This is where we get to see questions like, “Why does God allow hunger and starvation, in the world?”, with new eyes. God doesn’t allow it. Nor does God disallow it. We grow enough food right now to feed the world’s population three times over. You are Divine, with infinite power. You have the power to marshall these resources and abolish hunger as we know it. You have chosen not to. I say this neutrally, its not a judgement. For, if you truly chose the other road, for there to be no hunger, you would make it so. For whatever reason, you have not. This is why there is hunger in the world. Replace hunger with any other condition you dislike. God created an infinite lab that will bend to any desire we place on it. We can create it however we like. What we dislike, persists, because we allow it to.

Remember, God wants what you want. Because God is You.

And also remember, you ARE God. Your creative power is infinite. So, if deep down, you believe something is impossible, the experiment adjusts to you, and it is impossible. Remember that.

Some will say this view of reality doesn’t hold because the only way two opposing desires, for example, one’s desire to kill someone, and the victims desire to live don’t hold as one. But that’s where things get funky, and quite bombastic.

  • The Caleidescope:

So, how does the Law of Attraction fit into all this? Well, when you attract, are you creating out of thin air? No, of course not. But, how does a universe balance itself against all the needs and desires of all people, even when they conflict?

The problem isn’t the Universe. The problem is you. You’re thinking linearly. You’re thinking there’s only one. Nothing wrong with God choosing to limit itself to one Universe, but it can un-make that choice.

There are a multitude of Universes. In each one, something is different. In one, you are you as you know yourself now. In another, you have achieved whatever your biggest desire is. They both are in existence right now. After all, God is everything in the Universes. When you use your creative power as God, you’re not creating anything. God is complete. God is all, quite literally. So, nothing CAN be created. Thus, when you create, you are simply moving out of one universe, and slipping into the one where your desired condition is true. Kind of like the you in this reality and the you in the “other” reality are both pulling on a rope, bringing these two “shores” together, and you step over.

But, you might ask, what about my old self? Is it like the Matrix and it just falls over dead?

Of course not, remember, God (you) is all living things, all selves in all these Universes, collecting data. God needs the you that’s a drunk. And the you that’s a child molester. And the you that cured cancer. And the you that had a simple, quiet life. And it needs all the you’s that are, in all these roles. Its all necessary data to know itself. All you are shifting is your awareness.

Thus, if you are attacked in an alley and you choose not to die, you will step into the reality where you live. If you choose to die, you will allow yourself to pass.

This is what your “Soul” is — it’s the part of you that’s still fully awake, like the guy/gal in the lab coat who is watching all the mice run around the maze. And, you have to remember, the Big-Bang, the past, the present, the future, and the eventual collapse of the universe (where God realises itself and returns to the primordial All-Thing state, only to notice itself again, repeating the cycle) — its all happening right now. There is only one moment. Time, while perceived, is an illusion, a by-product of God squeezing itself into one point of consciousness (you). More on this and growth in my upcoming article on Free Choice.

Now, to return to the murder example, am I saying murder isn’t wrong? Yes, I am. I don’t believe in right and wrong. Am I saying we shouldn’t hunt down and imprison murderers? Nope. I mean, if you want to, go ahead and phase-shift over to the reality where murder has no earthly consequences. For my part, I’ll stick right here.

I know this sounds weird to most of you. But, give it time, and really, look, and you can see this for yourself. This is why technology is most often used to overcome limitation, for example, because we expect that to be the solution. How do you think it is, for example, that martial arts masters can pull off some feats, documented, which we classify as super-human? They don’t have the same assumptions as you about what is possible.

I have much more to add on this topic, but I’m going to end it here. I think I’ve thrown enough into one post.

These are the secrets which Darkworkers have been both Guarding from the Unworthy and Hoarding from the Ignorant for all these years. This is what the journey from Apprentice through Prince, and to Sage is, a slowly increasing realization of these truths.

Remember, when thinking on God, thou art that.

In reading this, God heard your questions; You heard your questions.

God answered; You answered yourself.

God, as a being separate from you, is Dead.