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Your requests for training have been answered. And, for those of you who are cash-strapped, there is a way to get it without paying us a dime.
- Asmoday is offering blocks of his time to you. He does not simply offer Darkworking training. You may request one of the following services:
- Advisement: Asmoday will advise you on a specific problem or issue you are having.
- Coaching: Independent of Darkworking, Asmoday will open doors and help you achieve success.
- Training: Asmoday will mentor and guide you along your Descent.
Note: All information from sessions, including all aspects of your identity, is completely, beyond all doubt, confidential. Fortunately, Asmoday does not need your money at the present time. This does not efficiently serve the mission of the Experiment. What Asmoday needs is far simpler. He wants to exchange his time, for your time.
Announcing Operation Impregnation
The intarweb, my friends, is like the Prom Queen. She is beautiful, with white skin and perfect hair. She glimmers at us, causing envy, desire. But, she is ever distant. While she professes to be accessible to all, this is not the case. Only those who have a certain amount of status get her real attention. And, to get that status is measured in pure buzz. The more people want you, the more she wants you. To achieve his objectives, Asmoday needs the Prom Queen. Hence, Asmoday needs buzz. But, as always, he doesn’t want to play by her rules. He doesn’t just want to taste her, he wants to possess her, own her, dominate her, and in that act, liberate her. So, friends, the Experiment has to make her dependent. We have to get her attention, stand out from the crowd of pretenders. She must want us, not the other way around. We have to flip the game on her, by surprise. Our only real path is clear. In short, we have to knock her up. We have to impregnate the Prom Queen. We gotta fill her with our man-seed love juices. She needs to be our baby mama.
First, you email Asmoday telling him you want to be a part of Operation Impregnate, via the contact form. He assigns you a number, which you will spit out every time you claim points. Then, basically, you spend your time doing actions that create buzz. These actions are detailed below. Each action is worth a certain amount of points. When you do such an action, you email Asmoday with proof that the action was done, and Asmoday rewards you with certain number of points. Asmoday will reply with a simple email that states simply “+X”, with X being the number of points he has awarded the action. Each point is equivalent to one USD. Earn enough points, and he will exchange them in lieu of USD for his Services. You don’t have to spend them all at once. You can save them up, and spend them as you like. In fact, when it comes to Darkworker training, Asmoday recommends you save up hours, as the process takes more talking and time. You must, however, spend your points in complete increments, no fractional requests. In other words, if you have 20 points, you can’t cash in for four emails. Standard packages only.
When you want to spend your time, you send him an email, and he will get with you and set something up. To maximize the value of your time, he might ask you some questions before you sit down, and give you his spiel on what he expects. A special note: Asmoday will not spend time haggling about point values for individual actions. He simply does not have the time. Keep in mind, it is in his self-interest to reasonably keep you happy, which means, being generous. For our purposes, Asmoday’s time is measured in time spent with you on Skype. You will need Skype and a headset/mike to spend your points. He may request emails from you in-between appointments. Time he spends reading this email costs you nothing. Don’t expect it, but he may also reply to these emails at his choosing. Also, the first ten minutes of your first session is completely free – it’s “lets shake hands” time. And, this is not retroactive. Actions taken prior to this posting, while appreciated, don’t count for points. You must also report the points to earn the points. Don’t look for him to run around rewarding if you don’t say anything. So, how can you earn points?
These are the heart of the internet. This will probably be the route most of you will take. If you don’t know how hyperlinking works, go learn. But, we don’t care about increasing our pagerank – we have enough links for that already. We are about people being interested enough to follow the link and come to the site. We seek traffic building links. But, let us be clear, this is not easy money – links that constitute spam or black hat SEO will be awarded zero points and be wasted effort on your part. It is recommended you email us right after the link is posted by you, to help prevent others from trying to claim your points. Be warned. To qualify, links must meet simple criteria:
- Allowed: Whomever owns the website or blog in question must have allowed links to other sites to be posted. No cheap hacking.
- Relevant: The link must be relevant to whatever information or conversation is at hand. It can’t just jut in there like a sore thumb. Pointing to the article in question must contribute to the flow in a useful way.
- Where it Goes: The Link has to point to one of our permalinked articles. Links to the website pages, the main page, or the forums, etc do not qualify. Articles only. Simply go to the archives, click on the article you want to link to, and the permalink will be in the top bar on your browser.
- How it is referenced: There is text that others see when you post a link. It sits between the anchor tags. We do not want to see “here” or “this”, or crap like that. We want to see either a snappy little summary on your part, of the article, or if in doubt, simply use the title of the article.
- Social media links may qualify, depending on how many friends/followers you have.
If you’re in doubt about which articles to link to – simply link to the articles you found meaningful, entertaining, or useful. Likely, others will too. If you’re in doubt about which sites to use, consider sites which deal with these topics: Personal Development, Psychology, Self-Help, Atheism, Empiricism, Satanism, Objectivism, Occult, Witchcraft, Spiritualism, Mysticism, New Age, Alternative Religion, Finance, Libertarianism, and so forth. But, don’t limit yourself to these areas – our potential audience is broad. To prove links, email us a link where we can go, as directly as possible, and see the link in play. With the exception of social media, or other media-based sites (see below) you may earn points a maximum of three times for one souce. So, 3 links on someone’s forums, or their blog comments, and so on, and you’re done drawing points from that source. We’re not trying to inundate the poor bastards, and yes, this is meant to force you to diversify.
Our personal favorite category. So, the rewards are the highest, but, pay attention to the rules, kiddies. To explain what a stunt is, we’ll use an example that Hunginn pulled off – he was visiting a renowned monastery in northern France. It sits on this vast beach, and there is a sight-seeing tower where people go to look out over the sea. Well, he went down, and in GIGANTIC letters, wrote www.darkworkers.com in the sand. He took a picture and sent it to Asmoday. Sure enough, there was a massive traffic spike from France. Coyote option, in action. That, is a stunt. Its something you do out in the real world, not the internet land, that gets attention. You must email us and tell us precisely what you are planning on doing, and we will approve it or disallow it. You must have approval to claim points. The rules, and we are dead serious:
- Do not do anything that would endanger yourself or others.
- Obey all local laws. No joke.
- Do not vandalize someone else’s property, no graffiti, without the owner’s express permission.
- Do not use things that belong to others, even their environment, without their permission.
- Do not litter – we don’t want to see people handing out flyers, leaving cards, etc – without the appropriate permission of the local government, or owner of relevant property. If you choose to do this, we need to see a scanned copy of that approval, with contact information for the owner in question, or a scanned copy of your permit, to award points.
The thing is, if you violate any of these rules, the Experiment could be held liable. We have racked up about 300 hours of free legal services. Use your common sense. We love stunts, but if we are held liable, we will use contacts to find out who, and exactly where you are. Then, we’ll use those lawyers to sue you into oblivion. After which, the real fun will begin. The reward? 10-40 points a pop, depending on how many people we think will see it. To prove a stunt, we will need some sort of picture or video that proves that you executed the proposed stunt, as discussed, in entirety. If you hand out flyers (meeting the rules above), we need a scanned copy of substancial amount of signatures on some kind of signature page. Not every one, but enough (50 or more), so we know you were actually out there hoofing it.
If you can set up an interview for Asmoday, in the form of a blog post, podcast, youtube video, radio, print media, or television, it’s a good chunk of points headed your way. If travel is required, then no dice, throw that out. Asmoday can’t work his geographic schedule around random things popping up in his face, but he can phone or Skype anytime, from anywhere. Have them email us on the contact form, and then send us an email to await confirmation of your points. To claim points, three things must happen:
- Asmoday must accept the interview.
- The interview must take place.
- The interview must go out into the real world.
We will keep you in the loop as each stage approaches. The points depend on the subscribership, readership, listenership, or viewership. 1000 is the minimum to claim points, period.
- 1000-2000: 5 points
- 2000-5000: 10 points
- 5000-20000: 15 points
- 20,000+: 20 points
If you can secure a speaking engagement for Asmoday, its 20 points a pop, assuming it meets the following criteria (and, this is hard, hence the high points):
- There must be at least 20 people in attendance.
- The topic must interest Asmoday.
- Asmoday’s room, board, and travel costs must be paid up-front.
- Depending on the location, he may require the travel cost of additional people to be paid as well. Don’t think he’s about to go to shadey places without backup.
- His minimum speaking fee is $300. This is in addition to travel costs.
- You must have a comfortable, public, well-lit indoor space. He requires verification of some kind that the space is actually secured before he will travel.
- It needs to be held in a decently-sized metropolitan area.
If you think you can set that up, it’s a free hour, and a valuable one at that. He will hold any time with you that you have earned in person – his native element for coaching and instruction. Contact Asmoday using the contact form to discuss terms.
Closing Thoughts and your Points
Well, there you have it folks – a money free road to what you’ve been asking for. You have a LOT of options, we suggest you start to exercise them. Follow the rules, be good, become Mighty. Again, remember to email us and claim your points. If you don’t claim them, we don’t record them. Shortly, Asmoday will begin to accept pure cash for his time. He will raise his rates to manage demand. Thus, 40 points is worth 40 bucks free money. He reserves the right to cancel Operation Impregnation at any time. So, don’t dally, get and spend the points while they’re hot. The door won’t stay open forever. We’ll try to send you an email each time you hit a usable hour, but no guarantees. We may make mistakes. If you think we have, email us. We’ll do a brief audit and double check. But, ultimately, we have to trust our records more than yours, if it comes down to it. Thus, do we put her feet in the stirrups and Impregnate the Prom Queen. As you help us, we will help you. Together, we will become stronger. In symbiotic, warm-fuzzy harmony. Not only will you advance yourself, the Experiment will grow alongside you.