Have you ever looked at someone and thought something along the lines of, “Wow, that person just seems comfortable in their own skin?”. Its not just that they are confident, it goes deeper, its like they are infitely at ease. They seem to have some inner secret and they carry it with an almost magical non-effort. It comes from everything they do, and the very way they move seems to whisper the truth that even time waits on them. You can’t be sure, but its almost like they’re from another world, another time. Would you like to be like them? They all have one thing in common:
They spend time alone with their best friend — theirself.
Modern life is one big gigantic multi-tasking distraction-fest. Lots of people do spend time by themselves, but they don’t spend time with theirselves. I see people all the time as I walk the streets, all alone in their houses — but they always have something (usually more than one thing) in their faces. Their TV is going, they’re clicking around on the internet, a radio plays in the background. Something. Anything to stop the dreaded fear of still silence.
This is literally enough to send some people into panic attacks — the notion of having to just sit with themselves.
But let me ask you — if you’re here it means you have some desire to love yourself, and more than all that, you see it as something you need, right? Well, how could you expect to love someone if you never got to spend any quality time with them? You couldn’t. How much more true of loving yourself? Really, when was the last time it was just you, yourself, and empty space? Can you even remember?
Truth is, people compulsively seek that distraction so they don’t have to be alone with nothing but their thoughts and feelings, because that terrifies them. Deep down, they don’t like themselves — and they seek to always have something or someone to capture their attention so they don’t have to run the risk of confrontation. Internally, its like they’re avoiding their own house all the time because they loathe their room-mate.
But, you’re braver than all that, right?
Good — so here’s what I want you to do. I do this one month of the year can call it a “Me Retreat”. But, I’m not suggesting you take it that far — I recommend you start in a small, manageable chunk. Once a month is better, and not even for a whole day, just set aside an 8 hour block. Do whatever it takes, leave the kids with your honey or grandma, and find a nice spot where you can be alone (the bedroom is a great place for this).
Turn off the TV. No music. No books (in fact, try to avoid having anything printed in the room). Turn the phone off or unplug it from the wall. No distractions.
If you’re like most people, you’re going to be very uncomfortable with this whole process, and it will show in the first ten minutes. That’s okay — just accept it as part of the process. Your heart will slowly be opening here — after all, you are your most jilted lover right now.
For the first and last hour of the eight hour block, just sit quietly and cuddle yourself in some way. For example, sit with your back against the wall, pull your knees to your chest, wrap your arms around your legs, and place your head on your knees. Whatever is most comfortable and warming for you.
During the 6 hour “middle” part of the block, I want you to talk to yourself. I don’t mean just saying your thoughts out loud — I want you to have a conversation with yourself. This is actually a sign of a high I.Q., if you didn’t know that already. So honor your inner genius and start having some back and forth with yourself. If you get bored, do what you would do during any boring conversation, sit in quiet and search for something more interesting to talk about. You will eventually find something, if you don’t just give up like a pussy-ass jackwad.
Now, at first, this is going to feel really strange — but do it anyway. I promise you will be surprised at how quickly this becomes a positive experience. After the first hour or so, you’ll begin to see you’re not nearly as anxious as you were in the beginning. In fact, you’re going to find that you enjoy it, because as you do it more, you’re going to feel a stronger urge to meet your own needs. As you do that, you’re going to develop more self-reliance and self-trust. You will actually find yourself missing yourself in between retreats. This is a good thing, because you are shifting your emotional power center. You will realize you need others less, and thus relationships of all kinds become more of a free choice than a distraction-driven compulsion.
This exercise brings desperately needed healing to our relationship with ourselves — a wound that was so long ago created that we had no idea we were in pain.
This is how you become awesomely self-accepting and move though the world with a self-assured grace that is hard for others to ignore. If you place time into yourself, others will place attention on you. They won’t be able to help it.
After all, this is what a Prince(ess) truly is — a person that has deepened their self-love and self-acceptance to such a degree that their will truly becomes a work of art into and of itself — and the world cannot help but succumb to it.
This is where your quest for the apex begins, it is the base upon which you build your throne, future Prince(ess). What are you waiting for? You haven’t seen yourself in forever, go say hi J.
Love yourself, Be Mighty.