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What does it mean, for us, to master the self?
Before we go deeper, let us make a distinction: Self, “capital S”, cannot be mastered. It is root, real you. It is the thing you are trying to find. And, it’s a pimp daddy. If you try to make it your bitch you’ll just end up with a heroin habit and a hand-print that smells like cocoa-butter on your ass.
Of course, you won’t find Self on a click-bait web article, the television, in the pages of your journal, the latest idea fad, or within the validation of others. Now, all these things can help you to find it like crazy, babbling strangers on a desolate road at 3 in the morning, each giving you snippets of directions to your destination. Don’t use those things and you run the risk of wandering randomly. Maybe you’ll get lucky, but I have never seen it and homie, I’ve seen a lot. Waste your time at your own discretion.
But, the Self hides in a simple but powerful trick — Self is not an idea, or a thing. It is an expression, a verb, something that resonates in the moment. The notes of this music are choices. False notes, choices not in line with Self make shitty music. The good notes, when played, build upon each other. All choices, not just the big ones. Everything you do echoes in eternity, because surprise, you are actually fucking important. Lots of people want you to believe you are inherently unimportant and you need their product to be important. But, fuck them. Truth is, each note counts. Ultimately, a symphony rolls out from within you, clearer and clearer as we proceed — ending in the climax of the moment wherin we Descend deeply enough such that peaceful power expresses through us.
This is our quest, a search for a groove in the here and now.
We are lost, broken Gods, trying to find our way home.
But, there is this fucker in our way. This little, pathetic, sniveling, slack-jawed Wormwood like thing coated in desperation: the false self, “lower-case S”. It is nothing more than a parasitic golem, constructed of false ideas, lies, and bullshit experiences. It is hollow, no substance, made of nothing more than a shell of doubt and loathing that has accumulated over time, like a paper mache doll. Once false self is removed, the Self can express having been brought back into the world. This is a process, it takes practice, experimentation, and patience. It unfolds as you go deeper and deeper. This removal is why we liken the process to self-archaeology. You’re digging, clearing all that muck and dirty away, so that what is beautiful can sublimate to the surface slowly. This false self must be mastered as part of the process, which leads to:
A second birth, a remembrance, a restoration to the truth.
Many of you are doing great, bringing lots of enthusiasm to the table and jumping right in with a shovel. And, that’s fucking fantastic, keep it up, but remember — you’re blind as you go through this. In other words, you don’t know what is Self and what is self, in the beginning. Sure, as you go along, things become more and more clear. Through the contrast revealed to you from experiences, you can begin to tell rot from jewels with much more precision. If you take the slacker route and just dump and chuck dirt over your shoulder, you toss away good things that you don’t know are artifacts. In short, you make the process take longer. Ever watch a dog try to find a bone after he’s buried it? Try being a thinking ape.
Take a page from the archaeologists playbook — remove soil, then sift it. Now, this is where the metaphor gets wonky, but what that means is, practice self-mastry. The excavator is excited, but they need to slow down, restain, and go methodically against their own desire to just rip the earth open. For you, what this sifting translates to is dicipline and deliberate experimentation.
To master something means two simple things:
- To have absolute and total understanding of it.
- With that understanding, the ability to exert absolute and total control over it in accordance with your will.
The will part is important, so we’ll come back to it, but bear with me….
To truly remove false self so that only Self remains, it must be mastered. You cannot expell something over which you do not have dominion. For example, let’s say you wake up late one night to an odd sound. Going out to see what it was, you find a bear in your living room. Odds are, most of us are going to freeze, or run, or whatever. Why? We, in the above sense, have not mastered the bear. But, for those who have mastered the bear — they wake up knowing a bear is breaking into the house, because they know that sound. They have tools prepared on hand. They have studied the bear and know intimately how it thinks and reacts. And, using all of the above, they can cause the bear to leave. In short, the bear is playing their game, not the other way around. For those of us who end up escaping and calling help or getting our asses mauled — the bear was in control.
Right now, the false self is in control. To slay that little shit, you have to master it. Sift the soil.
At a base-line level, you need to be able to control yourself. We humans call this dicipline. It, like any other skill, takes time and training. For Darkworkers, life is training. Each moment of each day is an opportunity to train this control. Diet. Exercise. Routine. Habits. Emotional Focus. Delayed gratification. These practices make my dick hard, because I know what they lead to — hightened self-mastry which ultimately opens the door to and speeds progress along the Descent. The more I can control myself, the more I can exercise True Will and expunge the false self.
Dicipline is like shining light down on the excavation site at night. It helps us to see better. And, we need to see, because we need to be exquisitely careful and notice the detail and nuance of everything as we sift out the Self. The more we are actually in control of our stimulus-response, the more we can tell when we have an experience which parts are actually resonating with Self or clanging, and which parts are just pissing off the weaker, inherited, false part of my identity. Digging without being able to see clearly is a nut-buster. A pro-tip: Emotions from True Self have a tendency to linger and haunt us no matter how hard we try to shut them out. False self is ultimately a member of the NYPD and has a tendency to stop working hard once the world hurts its feelings, so to speak.
The second part, is understanding. For this, you need to actually put away the pansy pants and go out there and reach. Try things. Learn new things. You are alive, don’t just crawl into a comfy hole and die. That’s disgusting. Follow your inclinations and whims wherever they may take you. Remember, you don’t know what the music is, only that it exists out there. The more snippets of song you listen to, the more you will be able to hone in on the true beat behind it all. This may cause you to face fears, fail multiple times, or take some hits.
But remember, sit with things. Study yourself. Turn inward. Don’t just chuck the dirt. Examine it. At first, it all just looks like the same thing, but keep going. Soon, you’ll find an arrow-head here, a tool there. Then, one day, you’ll move a little dirt and a hand will pop out at you. Best feeling in the world.
This stretching of your comfort zone is a good thing, because it is in this experimentation that you get insight. This website is called the Darkworker Experiment for multiple reasons. On a certain level, we are spiritual mad-scientists, throwing anything at the wall with reckless abandon to see what sticks. All this insight into false self will lead you to start to know it, feel it, see, it, and understand it. You’ll know what things make it upset, happy, afriad. You will learn how it ticks, right down to the subtle nuances. And, in that process, you will learn how to adapt to it and ultimately, how to proactively control it.
The dicipline, feeds the insight from experiment, which feeds the dicipline and on and on. A spiral of your Descent. Trust me, you hit a point in the process where your self-love expands even to the false self. It becomes a lotus blooming from a pile of dogshit. And here is where the magic happens — the more you master false-self, balls to bones, the more and more you will not be able to help but see Self revealed, by contrast. You will start to know your fleeting whims, your socially conditioned desire from True Will. And, with all that dicipline and insight, you will begin to act in accordance with True Will. The world will, bit by bit, begin to bow down before it.
That True Will is the groove you are after. Your unique music, your god-like signature on the cosmos.
Seek and you shall find. Knock and it shall open.
Love Yourself, Be Mighty.