Sex Technique: The Shocker

J.C. LaCroix Crass Humor, Dating and Relationships, Uncategorized

The Shocker“, as it is commonly known, is a modern practice with roots that stretch back to ancient times. While the act itself has remained largely the same, it has gone through an evolution which shall be elaborated upon in this document. Clearly, no other human invention has survived so long, and carried so much joint pleasure and disdain, as this legacy from our common ancestors.


It was first devised by ancient, pre-historic peoples as a serious edge in wooly-mammoth hunting. A lone, solitary hunter would approach the beast as it slept, and after proper application, the beast would spring up and run, depleting its energy reserves, making it easier for the hunting party to close it. Later, it was used by the mortician class of the anchient Aztecs, as a means of verifying that the Gods had accepted the sacrifice (the High Priest would read the countours of the body), and that the individual was truly dead (hence, no reaction). Importantly, the Spartans pioneered its application as a tool for measuring social dicipline.

Similarly, in medieval times, it found expression as a torture device, but also was used in military applications. Most notably, it was used by the English to ferret out spies (someone who recieved it and had no jump-reflex…must be…French). However, it was during the time known as the Renaissance that is was used as a direct test of a person’s ability to suceed in the arts (Leonardo ressurected it from the Greeks). Finally, during the Industrial Revolution, with progress in women’s rights (specifically the political and property rights), it began to find its home as a sexual technique.


Place your hand out before you, fingers together, palm facing the up (the ceiling). Bring your thumb and ring fingers together, in the same manner you connect your index finger and thumb when making an “O.K.” sign. Now, rotate your wrist to the right until your index finger is on top. Now, make a slight u-motion with your hand, from the wrist, and you have it. A pictorial demonstration can be found below:

Shocker Demo

*Note: A methodology has also been developed to apply this technique to males. While originally believed to have been devised in somewhat modern times, recent evidence from archeological digs indicate our ancestors beat us to the punch, long, long ago. It has been named, “The Scooper“, by the archaeologist, Butu !Hambe, who uncovered the evidence on cave walls. It is accomplished by holding your palm out in front of you, level with the floor, palm facing up, fingers together. Now, hook your thumb over until it runs paralell to your palm. Making the same u-motion with your hand, give a slight, upwards yank on your fingertips as you reach the apex of the motion. There, you have it!

Modern Usage:

In our times, “The Shocker” and its counterpart “The Scooper” have evolved into more complex roles. It’s first use is the most dynamic and popular, being used as a social penalty. Individuals who have been marked as uppity, snobbish, jerkish, or just otherwise rude will find it used on them. Most often, this is done while they are sleeping, preferrably in as public a place as possible. The following link shows a demonstration:

Shocker in Use

It should be noted that, according to most local conventions, a conclave must be called and achieve a consensus on the personality or actions of an individual before the maneuver is applied. Likewise, one person who is then not familiar with the person or situation should also render judgement.

Positively, they are used as sexual stimulation amongst consenting adults (allthough the scooper does not carry much popularity among straight males in western society, and is often responded to either violently, or with great uncontrollable weeping, and almost always results in a termination of the relationship). Further, a variation has developed (known as “The Tickler“), applied on females generally, and yields beneficial results if the applicator is proficient with its use. It is applied by inverting the standard shocker, and details will only be divulged only to those who can proove proficiency.


All former members of The Universal Church of the Mandingo (most notably, the reverened Sister Skeet-Skeet), are automatically grandfathered into membership of team shocker. In addition, its charter member (who will no doubt elect to remain anonymous) is also given honorary membership. These constitute the founding members, and at the current time, only these members may confir membership to others.

Team Shocker exists to revere and respect “The Shocker” and all other derivatives, in both their positive and negative forms. To petition for membership, email Asmoday, explaining one situation (positive, or negative) in which you have used it, along with a picture of the event. Non-pornographic pictures which capture the surprise of the Shockee are preferred.

For a multitude of purposes (including letterheads), our logo can be found at the following link: